This film is full of cringe. CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE
Teenagers with massive boob jobs, naïve virgins, douchbags boys with names like Blake and Trey. It was spot on horror film plot default. I feel like it would’ve been fun to watch Friday the 13th before I watched this, since I haven’t seen them all, but I’ll leave that for next time.
Freddy Krueger is sad because the people of Elm Street have forgotten him, and being forgotten he cannot kill because he lives through people’s fear. So he finds Jason, wherever Jason lives, and makes him to kill in Elm street. The adults of Elm Street remember Freddy, so when teenagers appear dead in bed, they assume Freddy is back, though they try to keep it contained so fear doesn’t spread out and summons him again.
Every scene in this film is fucking stupid. Except when Jason or Freddy kill someone, which is a relief because these teenagers are such one sided characters, I can’t even. At any point one can relate or feel sorry for them, the actors are so bad it’s like they’re taking the piss.
I did not like it back in the day I saw this in the cinemas, but treating it as a comedy, because who can even take these actors serious, makes the experience slightly better.
Alas, Jason gets out of control and starts stealing Freddy’s victims. In the meantime, the police keeps trying to hide Freddy’s reappearance while new town cop, tries to convince them it’s a Jason Vorhees copycat. As no one listens to him, he goes and talk to the teenagers who, out of nowhere, immediately assume the entire plot and decide to pit Jason against Freddy.
Their fight, as expected is the climax and it’s kind of hilarious. None of them can really die, so this shit could have lasted a really long time.
I’m going to go all in with this review because this film is unbelievable so anything past this are massive spoilers:
Jason is afraid of being wet even though he lives by the fucking lake, and Freddy is afraid of fire even though he did really well surviving a massive one. But I guess they were kinda going for a water vs fire shit.
So during the fight, Jason is asleep and Freddy is in his dream. Idiot main girl decides to join in and help Jason because they feel like their odds are better against him (even though he survived like 12 films and one of them was in space). So while her idiot friends drive the sleepyheads to Crystal Lake, she tries to help Jason in dream while he relives his drowning.
In real life, Kelly Rowland has to do a mouth-to-mouth to zombie Jason who is passed out in the van. Luckily (or not, I don’t know) Jason wakes up and crashes the van. Freddy is annoyed and attacks main girl in dream, since no one can wake her up. Her woken friends make it to Crystal Lake where Jason draws near and sets the cabin on fire by accident. Getting burnt, main girl wakes up and drags Freddy to non-dream world.
Then it’s real life Freddy vs Jason violently destroying each other with a heavy metal soundtrack which I’m 140% fine with.
Seriously, fuck the rest of the film and watch only this part.
Because after that, there’s main girl, main boy, and Kelly Rowland. And Freddy is undecided between which he’s going to attack first, and he picks Kelly Rowland because she’s black. And, my friends, I’m not even fucking kidding. He literally looks at all of them and goes “Hm, dark meat” and proceeds to kill her. And by “proceeds to kill her” I mean they spend a good 2 minutes talking crap, then Jason comes and kills her instead.
They continue their fight. And again, if this film could use its 97 minutes of running time just showing Freddy and Jason fighting with the film’s soundtrack in the background, I’d rate this 10/10.
But yeah, no. They kinda kill each other but not really because we know they don’t die. Main girl gets badass with her bloodied cleavage and they leave the burning camp.
In the final scene, Jason gets out of the lake holding Freddy’s head that is still laughing and winking at the viewers.
Cut to credits with Ill Nino.